Schemes and Dorks

Title: Schemes and Dorks
Author: Dea Brynhild Ensomhet
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: Um…PG-13? Maybe ever PG
Timeline: *hysterical laughter*
Archival: Just ask and ye shall recieve.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Inspired by a scene in the ep of Scrubs that Brendan Fraser guest-starred.
Last edited: 3/03/04


"Can this get any more boring?" Xander wondered aloud, breaking the silence of the Magic Shop. He'd been staring at the same page for an hour and nothing had sunk in. He glanced over at Buffy, who was staring just as pointlessly at the old text on the table in front of her. "Remind me again why we're researching when Wills and the G-man already have the spell to vanquish Casper the Unfriendly Ghost and are out performing it as we speak?"

"Because," Buffy sounded as bored as she looked, "Giles said that it's unusual for a spirit to take possession of a candy store and throw around sharpened peppermint sticks, so he wanted us to try and figure out is anyone had died horrible in the store or if it's built over burial grounds or something..."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "All-knowing Watcher Guy and Research Girl actually think we'd be able to find anything?" Buffy shrugged and turned the page of her book. Xander sighed, and went back to rereading the same paragraph again.

He looked up in relief as the door jingled and Spike sauntered into the store, lit cigarette dangling from his lips. Xander grinned at Buffy. "The night's looking up. Instead of being bored to death, we can get annoyed to death by the dead guy."

"Or I could just dust him for exposure to second-hand smoke." she threatened, but without her usual malice behind it, turning it into near-friendly banter.

"In your dreams, Slayer." Spike mumbled, pausing to stand on the right side of Xander's chair. "What's the what? Heard through the grapevine that there was a ghost throwing sweets at the kiddies. Would've thought that the whelp would jump at the chance of free chocolate."

Xander stood up, his chair scooting back as he rose and faced Spike. "First, Willow and G-man are out doing the witchy mojo right now. And second," he plucked the fag from Spike's smirking lips with his left hand. "Her Buffiness declared this a smoke-free zone."

Spike's voice dropped into a low rumble. "And when has that ever stopped me?"

Xander smiled. "Is that a challenge?"

Spike tilted his head. "Dead cert."

Xander grabbed a handful of Spike's t-shirt in his right hand and pulled the vampire towards him. His head tilted opposite to Spike's, his gaze flickering back and forth from Spike's lips to his dark blue eyes. Spike's expression turned serious as their heads neared, his gaze also moving from Xander's eyes to his lips and back. The space between their lips shortened ever so slowly, millimeter by millimeter as the seconds ticked by.

Buffy glanced up at the two and rolled her eyes briefly before returning her attention to the book.

Soon three inches were all that separated them, and it slowly shortened. Two inches. One inch. Half an inch. Spike could feel Xander's warm exhale against his face. There was barely a hairsbreadth between their mouths, when suddenly Xander turned his head, pushing the vampire away with his right hand.

"Damn." Xander groaned, "One of these days I'm going to beat you, Spike."

Spike just grinned and snatched his cigarette back. "Never play Gay Chicken with a vampire, pet. You'll always lose. Not that a wimp like you ever had a chance."

"You guys are such dorks." Buffy scoffed, closing the book and standing to stretch her back. She took the cigarette from Spike and snubbed it out in a little ashtray that had taken up residence on the research table when Spike started stopping by the shop regularly. "I'm going into the back to make coffee, either of you want any?" Xander shook his head no.

"I'll take a mug of blood, ducks." Spike called as she left the room.

"That's one mug of blood with extra garlic. Got it." Buffy replied cheerfully from the back room.

The moment Buffy was out of sight Xander shoved Spike into the chair and straddled his lap. "Wimp, huh?" Xander growled, before roughly pressing his mouth to Spike's, inciting a deep ravishing kiss.

Spike moaned and returned the kiss, one hand coming up to tangle in Xander's hair while the other slipped under Xander's shirt to glide over his warm back.

Spike's sensitive hearing picked up the microwave's beep from the other room. "Slayer'll be back any moment, love." he murmured, reluctantly releasing his hold on the boy.

Xander whined in disappointment but acquiesced, sliding off of Spike's lap. "Till tonight?"

Spike winked. "Oh yeah."

Buffy walked back into the room sipping coffee and set a mug of heated blood in front of Spike. She noticed the look passed between Spike and Xander. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Nothing, Slayer." Spike replied smoothly, shifting into gameface as he drained the mug.

Xander chuckled. "Just plotting the perfect April Fools gag to pull on you."

Buffy frowned. "It's only February." Xander's chuckle morphed into a cackle for a moment before he broke down into a coughing fit. Buffy sighed. "Dorks."



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